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mel

My name is melissa and I am a single 23 year old. I live in sunny Queensland Australia. I am a paediatric RN and this year am starting a new job in childrens emergency as well as studying to become midwife (can't wait).

I was definately chubby growing up but my weight really became an issue when I went to boarding school where home sickness led to depression and poor self esteem. I hated school and craved attention through forcing myself to be sick - while I was too mentally ill and young to understand what I was doing nobody else did either. When I got to uni I was happier but not fixed - too much damage by now. A uni doctor diagnosed me with depression and while I finally felt that someone had finally looked at me and not just the surface, I ran away from any help something I regret to this day. That is still the closest I have come any form of proper help. I have since graduated and become a sucsessful and compassionate nurse who has found great comfort in caring and giving to others but I still slip in and out of depression which usually coincides with efforts to get a grip of my weight problem. I have on a few occasions overdosed on medication to the point of being unable to work and even rise off the bed for throwing up. In the last year I made my greatest attempt to become a healthy young person. I managed to lose 15 odd kg with help of a personal trainer, who helped me prepare for a ski trip to NZ. While skiing I busted my knee pretty badly, and was unable to walk properly for 6 weeks. I had surgery on it 2 months later in which I was out of action for a further 6 weeks. This brings me to today 2 Jan 2006. After rehab I am only now just fit enough to take my lousy knee back to gym. I have since put back on 10 of my 15kg loss. Time to start again. I currently weigh 130kg. I'm 163cm. My best friend is getting married in october and I am going to fit into a nice dress for then. My ultimate goal weight is between 65 and 70 kg. If I can be between 75 and 80 by october 29th this year I'll be very happy. I am at the stage where I don't want to miss out on life because I'm fat it's not fair but only I can fix it, so I'm going to. I feel that just writing about it a sharing these experiences is a real help. God give me the strength to succeed. See you fatty I'll miss you .....not.

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